PARENT TIME

10 Ways to Connect with Your Teen

Tips from Lawyer & Teenage Success Coach – Michael Kuzilny. Author of ‘Success You can Make it’ How young people can choose confidence and succeed. (New Holland Publishers) Australia.

1 Have dinner together. If you have teens; family dinner time is important at least 3 times a week. I know life is hectic and you can’t always be home when your teens have dinner, but please make an effort. Talk about the day, try to broadcast only happy and positive news and ask them what exiting things happened in their day. Don’t tell them about the problems of your day !

2 Get your kids involved in your work. I do a lot of my work preparing for court cases, and writing my books in my home office. I have set up an extra seat where my daughter Alana can join me when I’m doing tasks that don’t need too much detailed attention. Even if you just involve your teen in little tasks like cooking or washing the car or gardening – it’s quality time where you can share some good times together. If you work away from home, why not take your teens on a regular tour of duty, and introduce them to your staff and co-workers. Great to get them involved! Just because you are the company CEO, and are making millions, no need to alienate yourself from your kids.

3 Retail therapy. If you have some spare time on the weekend, why not go shopping with your teens. Retail therapy is always cleansing. Throw out the old and buy yourself a new pair of trendy jeans and t-shirt. Ask your teenager what colour you should get. Go to the music shop with your teen, and put on the headphones and listen to their favourite tunes, and discuss the music. Show a genuine interest in their taste for music and clothing. Wait and watch your teen whilst at the hairdresser. Sounds daggy, but it is very respectful.

4 Follow their interests. “My son wanted to become a martial arts expert; so I thought, ‘what the heck’ I may as well take up karate lessons myself”. “Although Mitchell is only 4, he can beat me up already. Let’s face it, your interests and your teen’s interests are going to be very different over time. If you can find a sport or interest you can do together, why not do it. You may have to bend over backwards for you to get involved, but it beats your relationship with your son or daughter falling flat on its face. Make an effort. Ask them what they enjoy doing. You may be surprised it is very much what you enjoy doing. Dancing, white water rafting, karate , camping– who cares, as long as you spend quality time together!

5 Put back into the community. There are lots of ways to help out that might inspire a teen. Whether its doing the lawns for an elderly neighbour, or doing a charity walk for breast cancer research — let your child pick one and then do it together.

6 Don’t miss to say good night. Knocking is required before I enter my daughter’s room, but there is not one night when I don’t make the effort to say good night to my little angel; even if I come home late, and she is already asleep. If your teen is awake, have a brief chat about the day, and ask them about their exiting plans for the day to follow. Make it a habit to say good night. It will give them peace of mind.

7 Create rituals with your teen. Start being childlike again, and do the things you enjoyed doing as a teenager with your teenager. Go down the beach, go out for a special lunch, listen to and tell funny jokes, and make it a point to share happy and crazy times with your teen. Once a week I take my daughter to a Thai foot massage. She loves it, and always looks forward to it. Design your ‘special times’ with your teen.

8 Say I love you often. Not as a reward, but just because you’re glad your child is part of your wonderful life. Become a good finder, and realize that your teen is not perfect, but then neither are you. Don’t expect your teens to have the sense of responsibility and organizational skills you do. Concentrate on the good, and don’t criticise!

9 Treat your teens like your best friends. Don’t be nice to others and ignore your teens. Be your teen’s best mate, and involve them in family plans and goals. Ask them for their opinions on a regular basis. Make them feel proud to be on your team.

10 Welcome their friends. Get their friends involved in your home activities, and you will find your teens will be home a lot more. Have dinner parties, ask them to invite a few friends over to watch a good movie, and why not spend some time with the parents of your teen’s friends. The close connections you are forming and the effort you are making will make your teen look up to you and respect you for a long time to come.